Surfin’ Psychic: When The Crystal Ball’s on the Wrong Channel

Everyone needs one of those old“8-Balls” to shake up once in a while, (Goddess, that sounded wrong!), even professionals. Sure, I pull out the cards or the runes when I’m stuck.  But, it’s still a chore when you’re juggling what you know, with what you want, with what you’re seeing, and how you’re feeling…it’s like trying to untie a navy knot on NyQuil. So, every once in a while when I get to the point where I need some clarity and the I Ching isn’t cutting it, my usual oracular friends are unavailable, and the pendulum is swinging in different directions, I do what what you’d expect:

I call a psychic.

This particular issue was straightforward enough: I had just met someone and wanted a clearer idea what I was dealing with. Now, one of the benefits of being in the business is that you know where to find the real talent and you get to know who has what specialties, who’s consistent, and who knows how to make the most of your time and I found a really good one who works on my network whom I’ve never spoken with before.

He had awesome energy! He immediately made me feel like…well, what I hope to make my clients feel like when they call.  We connected immediately, which is a tremendous bonus, such a treat. His first words to me after we introduced ourselves were, “Well, you’re quite intuitive yourself, aren’t you?”

I answered, “Yeah, I have my moments. But, reading for yourself’s a bitch, innit?” The way he laughed at that told me that he was truly a pro and appreciated the value of the sentiment.  After that, I did my best to be a good client.  I just shut up and let him do his thing.

Though he saw this guy and I being spiritually incompatible (which confirmed my own observations), he agreed that there were definite sparks. He continued to say that an arrangement between this guy and I had long-lasting potential, though maybe not a life mate. It was a really lovely session and there is no question in my mind that this man has a really strong sight.

Unfortunately, he was also really wrong.

Aaaugh, my psychic was wrong!!

Not only did Mr. Potential stand me up that evening, he called me the next day sounding like he was either drunk or just woke up and gave me the worst pack of lies I don’t even think he believed:

“Hey, yeah hi. Uh, did you get my messages?”

I played unaffected and cool, “Nope.”

“Well, I ended up crashing and [insert narcissistic, banal, incoherent drivel here for the next five minutes]…and so I sent you this really great, but long texts – and you know I hate texting! I just detest it, it’s so [bullshit, bullshit, bullshit] you know?”

“Yeah, wow. Well, I certainly appreciate the effort, for sure. I’m just really amazed that you were able to send a text at all because…this is a land line.”


After thinking some rude adjectives befitting for this time and air-waster, I very politely, with just a touch of snide, told him that I had someone else on the other line and wished him, “A really great day.”

What a whole ass.

So, now that I discover that this “long term potential” turned out to be a short-time cad. The natural reaction after my initial disappointment was, “Oh, crap, my psychic was wrong.”  But, then I remembered that I knew better…

Well, actually, no, he wasn’t.

My friendly psychic was guilty of what a lot of psychics/divinationists are easily guilty of: picking up the wrong frequency. See, every intention, manifestation, and entity radiates their own unique energetic patterns, which is how our internal “satellite dishes” are able to use the Force.  However, all too often, the psychic picks up the dominate wave and rides it out, which is usually directly from the querant.  Now, in matters of life path, career, past events, and healing, this exactly where you need to be! And the more tuned in, the better.

But, in the delicate matters of the heart, there are two or more parties involved. We’re already aware of how the querant feels and we know what the querant wants, but that’s neither here nor there. It doesn’t matter what they want — they’ve called you to get the truth or the most objective perspective you can see.  Whenever it’s a question of destiny, feelings, or clarity on the situation, we need to bypass the obvious and target the other party involved, since they’re the ones who will influence the outcome just as much as the querant, sometimes more. How that’s done is usually the psychic will ask for the lover’s birthday or name and then concentrate on the vibes to distinguish the identity. First it starts with general impressions, then with some clarification, we can hone in and get what we need.  In this case, my psychic would’ve probably picked up this guy’s arrogance,  dishonesty, and general dick-ness.  And I would hope that Mr. Psychic would have had the respect and care for his client to give it to me straight.

After all, we can all come up with our own fantasies for free, right?

So, think about that the next time you have a session regarding the ol’ romance stuff and feel free to ask, “Which energy are you picking up?” if you want to be sure. I can speak for myself and say that I’m never offended when my client asks because it is their absolute right to know what I’m doing and where I’m going with it. And there are times when I intend to pick up energy from one party and end up reading for another.

I’m human. By all means, double check my ass! (I do it myself all the time…)

So, yes, even though Mr. Psychic was watching the wrong program, he was still using the right television – in this case, it was mine. Instead of an objective outcome, he confirmed my own impressions, which were obviously made with the wrong body part…(Hey, I said I was human, remember?)

Would I recommend or call Mr. Psychic again?  Absolutely!  True, he may have misguided me to thinking a Yugo was a Porsche, but that doesn’t take away the fact that he saw a car in the first place — and that’s genuine talent.

Sucks to lose the ride, though…

Well, I've got the Khukster, at least. (And he don't need to text no landline!)


About T. Ray

Writer, visual artist, student, musician, and "armchair nutritionist." She currently resides in Vegas with her jenday conure and two beloved rescue cockatoos. She is a member of the Society of Professional Journalists and the National Society of Leadership and Success (Sigma Alpha Pi). While pursuing her degree in Journalism/Media Studies at UNLV, she continues to contend that all things come down to food and Star Wars. Contact:
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