Crazy Little Thing Called Love: Ms. Ray’s Most Memorable Clients

Love is Great! Love is Reeling! Being in love is so a-peel-ing...

Love makes you stupid.

It’s something to die for and a reason to live, but it always eats away at your IQ points – that’s its job. The chemistry, the energetic connection, and the sensual overload is all designed to make sure that we conjoin with another human being. And when we’re in this weakened (or strengthened) state, as with any other drug, we tend to lose our sense of selves, our sense of reality, and therefore our minds.

Love is also the number one reason why people call a psychic. The number one question: “How does he/she feel about me.” Number two: “When will I hear from him/her?”  Even though the answers may seem logical, the truth is one never really, genuinely knows and my cards have actually surprised me a few times!

There are many different types of love, just as there are many facets on a diamond. I love my clients! I love each and every one of them, whether they piss me off, piss me on, all backgrounds, doesn’t matter. But, there are those that are a bit more memorable than others, either for good or ill, and today I share some of these precious memories with you:

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“My boyfriend of two years just got married to someone else. When will they get a divorce so he can come back to me?”

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“When am I gonna meet someone – BECAUSE PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK, THAT’S WHY! I’M TIRED OF GETTING IGNORED! I DESERVE A LITTLE RESPECT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, PSYCHIC LADY?! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT, I’D LIKE TO KNOW?!! I MEAN *timer up* Well, that was a total waste of money. You’re useless!”

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“I just met the cutest guy!  Well, we haven’t actually ‘met’ in person, actually, just started texting the other day. But! I couldn’t resist and bought him a Barbie I found on e-Bay for $50,000! Ain’t that just a hoot?!”

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“Is she the one for me?”

*reading the cards* Me: “Uh…wow, it looks like you haven’t talked to her in a very, very long time.”

“Yeah.”

Me: “I mean, really long time…”

“Yeah.”

Me: *pause* “You’ve never spoken with her before in your entire life.”

“No, I haven’t…but, my friend told me about her and I just knew right away that she’s the one for me. I know where she works and everything!”

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My boyfriend and I got into a fight about six months ago. He told me he didn’t love me anymore, that he didn’t want to see me again, and that he’s in love with someone else. Tell me, is it really over between us?”

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“I don’t know what my girlfriend’s problem is. She thinks I’m not romantic or committing, but lemme ask you this: If I wasn’t committing, would I have taken a life insurance policy out on her?”

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“Hi, I wanna know about my boyfriend and where we stand.” [We discuss the boyfriend]. “Okay, now, what about this other guy?” [We discuss the other guy]. “Who do you think I’ll end up with?” [We discuss.] “Do you think my husband’s gonna find out?”

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“My boyfriend just told me he loves me. He gave me a ring and everything. He told me I was the one and that I made him happy. He’s a really great guy. He works hard, he’s cute, he’s sexy…I’m thinking I should break up with him.  What do you think?”

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“When am I going to find true love?”

Me: “Well, you don’t go anywhere.”

“No.”

Me: “You don’t belong to any social groups.”

“No.”

Me: “You don’t go online.”

“Oh hell no.”

Me: “Are you planning to fall madly in love with the delivery boy?”

“Well…no.”

Me: “Then how are you going to meet someone if you’re invisible?”

“Oh, guess you have a point.”

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“I wasn’t going to put up with his shenanigans anymore, so I changed my phone number, my email addresses, my job, and stopped contacting him. But, I didn’t leave him.”

Me: *pause* “Well, actually you did.”

Client: “No I didn’t. I didn’t leave him SPIRITUALLY.”

Me: “Well, according to the laws and customs for this planet, you left him.”

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“When is my doctor going to get a divorce and run away with me? I know he’s 40 years younger than I am, but I knew right away he was in love the second he saw me take off my clothes. He started shaking and sweating – just like my last three psychiatrists!”

Yeah, baby -- you know you want this!!

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Here’s a golden oldie: I remember when I started reading tarot professionally. It was 1990 and I started doing it part time, I was in my early 20’s, and it was great!  I met interesting and fascinating people, I was doing what I love, what I have a passion for, and I was able to eat and be a part of the economic cycle, too.   I had at least 4 or 5 appointments a week (I never timed my readings), and the more I did it, the more I loved it.

Then the weird calls started to ring at 4:00 in the morning.  “Ray! Ray!  What you said happened!  Oh my god!” or the panicking, “How come she didn’t call me?”  So, I had to get an answering machine to help keep my sanity.  (Quit laughing, I remember the invention of the calculator!)  That $50 investment was worth it but, then they started showing up at my door.

This one time, I’m with my…uh… “friend,” in the other room (wish I could remember his name) and there’s a really loud knock.  Sounded like a cop.

The timing could not have been worse.

Whoever it was knocked again, more persistently.  I called out, “I’m Coming!” thinking, “dammit,” because I was.  I jump up, slap some clothes on, with my heart pounding out of my chest because I figure there’s something wrong.  I get to the door and it’s a client I had just seen the day before and she’s in tears.

“Ray, please, I need your help.  I don’t think he likes me anymore!”  My heart broke for this poor woman, so I brought her inside, got her some tea and helped her calm down.

“Mira?  What happened?”

Her breathing slows down and she goes, “He said he was gonna call me and he hasn’t!”

Suddenly, my pity for this woman wanes dramatically.  “When,” I asked, “did he say he was going to call you?”

She looked up at me with these desperate, wounded puppy eyes, “At 9:00.”

I look at the clock.  “Mira,” I answer, restraining every drop of my hot-blooded, New York Mediterranean nature to not be so nice, “It’s 7:30.”

“I know,” she cried.  “But, he hasn’t called yet!  You have to tell me why!”

“Because it’s 7:30, Mira.”

“But, he hasn’t called me!”

“I know, because it’s 7:30 –”

“Can you get the cards?”

“Mira, I don’t need the cards to tell me what time it is.”

Astounded, “Really?!  –“

“Mira,” I pleaded, “If he’s trying to call you now, you won’t get the call because you’re here.  So, the best thing for you to do is go.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed, as if she was having this great epiphany, “Is that why he hasn’t called?  Because I’m here?”

Before I could respond, my elusive friend from the bedroom bellows out, “YES, MIRA!  HE IS TRYING TO CALL YOU RIGHT NOW!  GO! RUN BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!” which scares the living shit out of her, causing her to scream and fly out the door.

After that I remember thinking, “It would be so nice if I could just do my job over the phone…”

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“I haven’t spoken to my ex in over 8 months. When will she want to get back together?” (To  my amazement, the cards said she would ask for him back. I triple checked and everything and wouldn’t you know…three days later, he let me know that she called).

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About T. Ray

Writer, visual artist, musician, divinationist, playwright, and "armchair nutritionist." She currently resides in Vegas with her jenday conure, is a member of the Society of Professional Journalists and is pursuing her Master's in Journalism/Media Studies. All things come down to food and Star Wars. Contact: contact@theblacksiren.com
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