Love can make you stupid. Jealousy can make you evil.
If Love is the Yin, then Jealousy is the Yang: As long as there is love, there will be jealousy. And as long as there’s jealousy there are no rules or limits as to what lengths someone will go to keep hold of their property – I mean, person they love. Stalking, invading privacy, spying are just a few of the common tactics of an insecure lover, terrified to lose their mate, especially to someone else.
Of course, a touch of jealousy is natural. Humans pair up, that’s what we’re meant to do. We’re communal animals, so we have ingrained biological “programs” and “implants” and “tools” that ensure that we behave accordingly, or else risk the demise of the species. Loneliness reminds us that we need to pair up, love allows for the connection to be made, and jealousy ensures us that we protect the connection.
However, we also need to remember that jealousy, like anger, is merely a messenger. Anger is a signal that indicates that something needs to change, whereas jealousy indicates that connection with our partner may be at risk. Staying in a state of anger or jealousy becomes toxic and if the toxin festers for too long, then the “messenger” becomes the “master.”
And allowing any emotion to dominate over our well-being is just plain masochism.
A common tactic of jealousy is known as “cock” or “pussyblocking.” (We will just use “blocking” here on out, if you dont mind). And it’s a particularly aggressive act of keeping what you want from seeking what they want. Some examples:
1 – Dancing between your “property” and their dance partner.
2 – Constantly interrupting your “property” during a conversation with someone else.
3 – Having private moments with your “property’s” interest when your “property” isn’t around or looking.
4 – “Selling” your property to someone who is interested in them without their permission: “Hi, I saw you talking with my friend and you should definitely go with them!” (The object is to passive-aggressively make the person think your object is either desperate or has a difficult time hooking up, therefore making them less attractive to the interested party).
5 – Staying too close in your “property’s” personal space, making it difficult for anyone to approach.
6 – Erasing phone, email, or text messages from their accounts, behind your “property’s” back.
And so forth.
Now, why would I label the “object of affection” or the “person they love” as “property?” Simple: If you’re blocking, you don’t love them.
Love is Trust – trust n. 1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. 2. Custody; care. 3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
Love is Respect – respect tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects. 1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem. 2. To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.
Love is Understanding, Caring, Sharing, Kindness. If you’re blocking, you have none of these! You do not trust them to be loyal to you. You do not respect their space or their human need to be interactive with others or care. Blocking is not understanding or kind, therefore, in essence you are not treating them like a person at all.
And if you’re blocking someone you are not having a relationship with, well, that’s just cruel.
Everyone has needs. Just as everyone needs air, water, and food, we all need to be touched, attended to, feel special, and connect. The “If I can’t have you no one can,” mentality is meant to starve a person of their basic needs in the hopes that they become so hungry, they may turn to you and that hardly ever works. If anything, it makes your “property” resent you and make you less attractive. And the more you try to control your “property,” the more likely they are to try to break away and it becomes a vicious cycle with both parties unnecessarily in pain.
Blocking is a control tactic. So is hitting, taking/destroying their belongings, instilling fear, and degrading their sense of self-worth. Blocking is not cute. It’s not funny, it’s not a joke, and it’s never done without an underlying sense of jealousy of some kind.
If someone is blocking you, you may wish to make them aware. There are times when someone gets in the way of a connection, casual or not, and are just stupid about it. Make sure they realize what they did. If they are apologetic and remorseful, then hey, peace is cool! If not, and they ask what the big deal is or say it was a joke, then you may wanna ask what the punchline is…
If you’re the blocker, stop. We cannot receive anything with our hands white knuckled with fear. Let go.
Let go and trust that we are always given what we need sooner or later.