You’d be amazed how many times when I’m asked, “When am I gonna find love?” or “When am I gonna have a real career?” that I see there have been opportunities passed up.
First, of course, there’s the denial, obviously. But, hey, I see what I see. So, I proceed to describe all the opportunities — the flirting, the interviews, the ads, the whatever — all the doors that had opened for them but they passed by or slammed shut for one reason or excuse or another. “It’s not what I wanted.” “It’s not what I expected.” “Well, it didn’t have this” or “Well, he/she had that…” and so on. Now, rejecting an opportunity once in a while because it’s completely incompatible is one thing. But, when you’re actually ignoring the signs and walking away without realizing or even going out of your way to make an excuse to justify your rejection, then problem’s not the other party anymore.
When I detect and the cards confirm what’s happening, sometimes, I’ll throw out this question: “Let’s say the [insert desire here] lands in your lap right now and they tell you that you’re everything they’ve always wanted. Answer quick — your first reaction is…?”
Nine times out of 10, the answer is: “I don’t believe them.”
There it is. That’s the problem. How can you receive something if you don’t believe it can happen? How can you go through the motions and take action to obtain something you don’t believe is possible?
Would you go into battle if you don’t know how to fight?
Would you adopt a baby if you don’t know how or have the means to take care of it?
Would you remove someone’s spleen if you don’t know where it is?
How can you change your life if you’re not ready?
“Wanting” something and “being ready” for something are two different animals. Sure, I would love to be a tap dancer. It’s true! I have had dreams my whole life about it. But, guess what? That won’t happen if I still think I’m too heavy or I’m not willing to adjust my schedule to take lessons or pay for new shoes. If I was really serious and really ready to be a tap dancer, all these would be done and done, without hesitation, without question. I’d be working harder to get myself into better shape, I’d adjust my work schedule and be prepared to make a little less money, and if I didn’t have the money for shoes, I’d either save up, find a grant, ask for a loan, pawn something, sell something, see if I can trade, swallow a little pride and be willing to buy second hand, then sign the hell up and practice ’til my legs fell off!
But, that ain’t happening. So, truth is, either I really don’t want it that badly or I’m just not ready.
Relationships aren’t simply, “Hey, baby, I love you, I love you, too let’s get married, okay.” You need to have trust, you need to feel desirable, you need to know what kind of person or what kind of arrangement you want, you need to be willing to make space to share, you need money, you need resources, you need to communicate, and none of that matters if you can’t even make eye contact or even tell if you’re being flirted with.
Careers have to be found, not forced into. If you really want your dream job, you have to make the time to learn the skills, adapt to the environment, adjust your stress levels, play the game, and get your hands dirty. But, none of that matters if you’re worrying about how you’re going to pay your bills or don’t allow yourself to have different experiences because any other job “just isn’t good enough.”
No matter what your goal is, whether it be Love, Career, Healthier Living, Security, A Family, A New Pet, whatever, the number one thing anyone needs before you proceed is make yourself ready. That means having everything in place to get it, sustain it, and maintain that goal once you reach it. If you’re genuinely serious, you won’t be asking “if,” but rather, “when.” It is easier said than done, but it’s hardly impossible because it all starts from within and that’s where your true power lies:
- Believe it.
- Know that it can happen.
- Know that you’re good enough.
- Know that it’s obtainable.
- Let go of the past. (No, really let go. No more, “Well, this and that happened before and …” NO! Be done. Forgive, forget, have closure, stop waiting for whatever, let go, and move on).
- Be willing to learn.
- Be willing to make mistakes and admit them.
- Be willing to falter.
- Be willing to feel stupid sometimes.
- Be willing to stick to your guns.
- Be willing to sacrifice.
- Be willing to act differently.
- Be willing to feel differently.
- Be willing to be different.
Then do what you gotta do. And if you don’t know what you gotta do, then find out! Hooray for information highway and technology! It’s a beautiful thing! Enjoy the journey! Revel in the process! Call people, ask questions, look better, feel better, speak better, work better, be better. Be ready. Because the last thing you want to do when you’ve finally found what you’ve been looking for is to go, “Great. Now what?”
The answer to “Let’s say the [insert desire here] lands in your lap right now and they tell you that you’re everything they’ve always wanted and your response is…” should be, “You’re right! And so are you.”