Why You’re In “The Friend Box”

Dear super sweet person,

I can’t begin to tell you how flattered I am that you have feelings for me. You’ve been there for me when I was down, you’ve been there for me when I was up. In fact, I think you’ve even been there for me when I wasn’t anywhere! You’re so doting and thoughtful, easy to talk to, but…

I’m sorry I’m just not in love with you.

I know you must think I’m crazy because it seems like I prefer “bad” types or I keep going back to exes that don’t treat me as well as you do. But, as much as I hate to admit it, the fact is, no matter how badly I may be treated and though I can adore you, I can’t respect you. You try too hard by giving too much. And when you give so much that I couldn’t possibly give back, or you don’t allow me to give back, it almost feels like you’re bribing me into loving you and that’s just awkward. It also makes me feel really uncomfortable to think what would happen if I needed to end our friendship for any reason. Would you cry out loud? Would you hate me? Would you stalk me? Would you hurt yourself? I don’t know.



Just because I’m in your heart does not mean I belong to you.

I barely understand the person you are. I don’t even know if you understand the person you are. Everything you do has to do with me, which makes me wonder: Why would you want to channel all your needs through another person? Do you have any idea how much pressure that puts me under? What are you hiding from? How can I have confidence in someone that doesn’t have confidence in themselves?

I will be your slaveI have enough baggage of my own and no matter how much you may want to, you can’t carry it for me. You can’t take my past from me. You can’t take my pain from me. You can’t take care of me every single little teeny step of my life because that leaves me no life to lead on my own. No matter how many favors you do for me, no matter how many gifts you give, no matter what you do, this is my path, these are my feet, and I need to do my own walking. Though everyone needs a helping hand sometimes, I want someone to walk with me, not carry me. That’s not love, that’s co-dependency. That’s you using me to keep you from looking at yourself.

The more of yourself you give to me, the more you take from me.

If I prefer to be with other people, then that means there’s something they have that I need right now. Regardless what you think or how you feel about it, wrong or right, it’s not about you. I have to be true to myself, whatever that may be, for good or ill. So, if you really love me the way you say you do, then you’d respect that. If you really love me the way you say you do, then you’ll stand by, not block my way.

If you love yourself at all, you’ll realize that what you want isn’t me, but your idea of me and go find yourself a real love. I cannot allow you to identify yourself with my name.

King and queenI love having you as my friend. And don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of being treated like royalty, too. But, I want an equal partner in life and there’s a big difference between being treated like royalty by someone with their own crown and a slave.

I’m sorry.





About T. Ray

Writer, visual artist, student, musician, and "armchair nutritionist." She currently resides in Vegas with her jenday conure and two beloved rescue cockatoos. She is a member of the Society of Professional Journalists and the National Society of Leadership and Success (Sigma Alpha Pi). While pursuing her degree in Journalism/Media Studies at UNLV, she continues to contend that all things come down to food and Star Wars. Contact: verteram@unlv.nevada.edu
This entry was posted in humanity / expression, Ms Ray, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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