Are You Ready For Love? (No, really).

I love everything that I do because everything I do is based on Love. It’s a divine place of existence. I write because I love to write, I go to school because I love to learn, and I serve and love my clients. And as it happens, the crux of my living is made by those in love or looking for love.

self loveLove, itself, is everywhere. It’s not just in a kiss, a sweet word, or a domestic arrangement. It is in creation, itself. It is the compound that binds everything together and animates the mortal being. It is in humans, non-humans, and the ability to heal. So, those looking for divine Love, the answer is, “It’s here! It’s everywhere! Embrace it! Start with you.”

But, of course, that’s not the kind of love they usually mean.

“I am SOOOO ready for love! When am I going to meet my (ugh) ‘soul mate’?”

Ah. Yes. That’s a little different.

First, you know how I feel about that “soul mate” and “twin flame” Disney stuff, so let’s just move that aside and discuss real, genuine connection that leads to healthy partnerships. That is not Disney stuff. That’s Nature. That’s real. That’s obtainable and entitled to everyone because it is the function of the communal animal. Therefore, as with all obtainable goals, steps can be taken to reach them.

The first question is: “Are you truly ready?” And, of course, 9 times out of 10, I get the “Absolutely!” “So ready!” “I was born ready!” only to find — no. No, they were not.

Life 101: If you are not ready, it is not going to happen.

There is a difference between “ready” and “wanting.” Wanting comes from a place of desire, need, or feeling. Readiness comes from being prepared, having what you need for a specific circumstance. Wanting is a state of mind, ready is a state of being. Just having your hand out isn’t enough. So, let’s take a look at what “ready for love” looks like. Here’s a checklist:

"Come on in! Just have a seat...somewhere..."

“Come on in! Just have a seat…somewhere…”

1 – Your living space is welcoming to company and comfortable to be in. If a strange person was to knock on your door right now, would you be embarrassed to open it and let them in? A part of a loving relationship is sharing your space. Ask yourself if you were a stranger that didn’t know you, how would you feel about walking into your room right now? If it is too full of clutter, dirt, or indiscriminate objects carelessly thrown about – like vibrators left in the plug or laundry piled up in the corner of your unmade bed – then, this would be a sign that you might not be as ready as you think.

2 – You have enough time to share. If you’re too busy with activities, work, schedules, meetings, and tasks, then how can you give someone the attention that they deserve? Have you adjusted your schedule to make time for someone to fit in or would you expect that person to tagalong, stand by, or interrupt while you live your life? (Would you do that to someone else?) How would you properly bond? On the other hand, if all you have is work and Netflix, then what common ground would you have to share with another person? If you are not willing to expend some energy on yourself, how can you expect to have the energy for another? Are you expecting the other person to give you love or a life? If you have too much or too little time for mate, then this would be a sign that you might not be as ready as you think.

4759535950_3da0ea181e_o3 – You can take a compliment. I’m not talking about harassment. “Hey baby, nice ass!” is not friendly. That is not positive attention. I’m talking about the polite, well-meaning “Hello” and start up of a conversation or extending an observation that makes you smile. Now, if your first response to a compliment is, “You’re just saying that” or “Please, you don’t mean that!” then what would you do if someone said, “I love you?” Would you tell them they didn’t mean that, either? How can you receive something you don’t feel you deserve? If you cannot take a compliment without suspicion or a sense of deserving, you might not be as ready as you think.

4 – You can listen, speak, and look someone in the eye when you do so. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Are you afraid when someone tries to look into yours? Do you feel vulnerable? When someone is telling you a story, do you listen to what they are saying or panic because you’re too busy thinking about how you should respond? Are you too afraid to share because you’re afraid they won’t listen or say something mean? Or do you share too much? Do you get too excited and anxious to talk talk talk so much that the other person doesn’t have a chance to give their side of the conversation? Everyone has a voice and everyone wants to be understood and heard. The foundation of a healthy relationship is communication. If you have a difficult time communicating, you might not be as ready as you think.


5 – You don’t worry about tomorrow. So what if being with a person doesn’t turn out to be “the one!” You’re okay and just simply feel grateful that you met someone interesting enough to spend some time with. It’s a start! It’s an experience, a message to show you what you’re really looking for in a mate. You know where you have met one person, there will be another, so you’re okay if it doesn’t work out the way you hope. Are you too worried about “wasting your time”? Do you feel pressure into finding a mate? Does it make you feel extraordinarily sad or less of a person by not having a boyfriend or girlfriend? If you are depending on someone else to make you feel complete, or you’re looking for a hero, or a diversion, to get you past a heartache that won’t go away, then you are definitely not ready for a relationship.

cups10Remember, when you are ready, to walk the talk! Love begins with a “familiar stranger.” Yes, prayers, meditations, opening the chakras, and manifesting is great, helpful, and effective. But, what good does all that do if you don’t step out and say, “Hi”?


About T. Ray

Writer, visual artist, student, musician, and "armchair nutritionist." She currently resides in Vegas with her jenday conure and two beloved rescue cockatoos. She is a member of the Society of Professional Journalists and the National Society of Leadership and Success (Sigma Alpha Pi). While pursuing her degree in Journalism/Media Studies at UNLV, she continues to contend that all things come down to food and Star Wars. Contact:
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