Why I Could Never Be A Cougar


(May or may not be taken from an actual conversation…You figure it out).

19-year old Redhead:
Hey, beautiful. Looking for a good time?

Oh my Goddess, are you serious? You’re barely legal! How about you give me a call when the ink on your birth certificate dries…

19 YOR:
Haha. You’re funny. I like mature women with spunk. Why don’t you just talk to me and see what happens? What’s the worst thing that can happen?


First of all, save the “mature” for 60+, not for women in their prime, thank you.

The worst? Hmmm, gee, let’s think:

1 – Premature ejaculation…the odds are not in your favor.
2 – Not be able to keep up and hurt yourself because I have been having sex longer than you’ve been breathing.
3 – You could turn out to be a prostitute – and boy, would you end up disappointed!
4 – Or you could actually be 17 instead of 19.

Not seeing an upside here. Thanks for playing, but no thanks. Have a good night.

19 YOR:
Well, I can assure you I can please you all night long and I am not a prostitute. And I am not 17 either. And you’re so beautiful. You’re exactly what I’m looking for.

Your mother??

LOL! Come on. You know you want to.

You know what I want? I want a man. Do you know why I see you as a boy and not a man?


Because a man will respect a woman when she says, “No.”



About T. Ray

Writer, visual artist, student, musician, and "armchair nutritionist." She currently resides in Vegas with her jenday conure and two beloved rescue cockatoos. She is a member of the Society of Professional Journalists and the National Society of Leadership and Success (Sigma Alpha Pi). While pursuing her degree in Journalism/Media Studies at UNLV, she continues to contend that all things come down to food and Star Wars. Contact: verteram@unlv.nevada.edu
This entry was posted in humanity / expression, Ms Ray, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Why I Could Never Be A Cougar

  1. krazred says:

    Applause… Perfect !!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Антонина says:


    Liked by 1 person

  3. E.L. says:

    So this curious little thing just happened wherein I was browsing through my facebook feed and noticed a friend commenting on a vid about Laci Green. Then I saw a comment below that and thought “hmm, T Ray, why does that sound so familiar…wait, she kinda looks familiar too! Ohh!” Small world. And of course I promptly followed you, lol.

    I’m not sure if I’ve ever commented here, but I’ve been enjoying your posts for a while now – so if I was too shy to say anything before, I just wanted to express that, and to unreservedly say thank you for what you write. When I initially stumbled on this blog, I was struggling with a relationship and what I found here was exactly what I needed to hear at the time (in short, that relationship was all about the “art of maneuvering”, very glad I got out of it).

    Anyway, I absolutely love your humor and wit – hopefully one day I may have a psychic phone session with you too, if that’s possible. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ms. Ray says:

      WOW! What beautiful medicine — thank you! Of course, I’d be very happy to schedule a session with you. Write to me at msraytarot@gmail.com and we’ll set something up. 🙂

      It means the world that I’ve been of help to you (though, you did all the work and don’t you forget it!) and I look forward to meeting you.

      Many blessings!


      • E.L. says:

        Awesome! And you’re very welcome. 😀 I’ll go ahead and save your email address. Right now I have a health/money issue that needs tending to (ughh) but once I’m past that mess I will get in contact, as it’s something I’ve been thinking of doing for some time.
        Blessings to you as well. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Max says:

    Loved it! Although, at 58, I still don’t think of myself as an “older woman.” We’re always in our prime as long as we stay healthy and happy and continue to learn. But anybody more than five (tops seven) years younger is a waste of my time. On the same note, if they are older than about 61 (and it had better be a high energy, jacked 61) they usually can’t keep up with me. Late bloomers usually make for sweeter flowers–think night shade or jasmine.


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